I had nothing in common with these men because of the age difference but I was desperate to feel something with someone for a short period of time. A few years later I moved to a bigger city to study.I made myself move because I knew it would force me to meet new people.But I just felt like I needed to feel something, and I needed to feel in control of how lonely I felt. When I was 21, my first boyfriend broke up with me and I didn't have any coping mechanisms other than drinking.I just drank myself into oblivion—to the point where I got sacked from my bar job and had to take time off from my studies.This sense of isolation can be hard to shake off, and it's also easily triggered.Wherever you live in the world, however big the city, the LGBTQ community is a disparate one featuring myriad different tribes. Hitting the clubs can be a euphoric experience, but it doesn't necessarily lead to long-term satisfaction.
There would never be much conversation—some of these guys were in their mid-to-late thirties, so what would we talk about?Things finally got better when I was in my late twenties.By this time I was living in London and meeting people from different backgrounds and different parts of the world.So the behaviors I'd already displayed at home just continued in a different city, with much less parental supervision.I made one gay friend, who I'm actually close to now.